So as of now I think I can make nearly every Taylor Swift song fit my life. I am going through hell and back... for a boy. I love him more than I thought possible. Things were going great... we were going to get back together when summer started, he said. Obviously things have changed since then. He suddenly wants to have space - I'm smothering him he says. He needs time... but can't tell me how much. I want to wait for him, because he is the only one I want to be with... but what happens when I wait for months on end, go through months of hell and hurt, and he changes his mind. He says he'll always come back to be with me... but how can that be when he says he loves me, but not the way I love him. I love him so much. How can that be when he said after we broke up he almost moved on completely. "And I know its never simple, never easy for a clean break." Part of me wishes that I would have left him alone and just moved on. Part of me wishes he wouldn't have let me fall in love with him again if he didn't feel the same about me. Then part of me realizes how much I would have lost if I would have lost him.

I don't know whats going to happen to me. I love him so much. I would do anything for us to be together again. I'm terrified to know that he could any day tell me that its over for good. I can't even think how life would be without him. He says we will still be best friends... cause to loose your best friend and your lover all in one go... I don't really want to think what would happen. How can we be best friends though. How could I stand to be around him and know that I'll never get the chance to be with him... he'll never love me back the same way. I can't decide what would hurt more. Being friends and knowing we can't be together, or loosing him completely.

I have to make it through today knowing we won't talk till tomorrow... but I guess I'll have to get over that. I don't want to talk to him, crying, making him feel bad. Sure this is kind of his fault... but I want him to have time to figure things out... maybe, hopefully, he'll realize I'm the one for him.

I'm doing everything I know how to not cry throughout the day. I'm so upset I can barely eat without being sick. Every day that passes breaks my heart a little more.

There is no reassurance to be given to me... Nobody really know whats going to come of this.

I just want this all to pass quickly... with me coming out on top, and him being happy with me...

I just hope, and pray.

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Now playing: Taylor Swift - The Way I Loved You
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