Correspondence

Please, don't mind the vulgarities. I use this page as a place to vent. Not many people read whats going on.

please read when you are alone

Between You and Him

Him November 15 at 8:09pm Report

dear melissa
It took me loseing you forever to realize that i have lost the one person in my life who is the best of both worlds. You were my best freind and the love of my life. I know that my actions over the past eight and a half months have been very childish to say the least, and that loseing you will be the greatest regret of my life. I know that I should never have even thougtht about Shane because she is too young and imature to understand the vast complications of my life like you do. I wish i had taken the chance to take you back when you offerd it to me back in March of this year. Our seperation the last time we were really together as a couple made you realise that you loved me and that I was all you needed. For the life of me i wish that i had realised it the same time that you did and I will forever regret that it took me loseing you forever as a friend and a lover. I know now that I never saw the best person that had ever walked into my life was you and for that I am truely sorry. If you can ever find it in your heart to forgive me for all the wrongs I have done to you and all the pain that I have caused you. Please know that this letter is not a "please take me back" letter. It is a letter to you to let you know that I know what a fool I have been and that I am happy you have found someone that will make you happy and give you the life that u deserve. If you do not respond to me at all I understand and wish you the best of luck in all of your lifes endeavors.

sincerely First Middle Last

Melissa Hurckman November 15 at 8:34pm

You,

I seriously appreciate this letter. I did not want things to be like this, and I feel it could have been avoided. Wes gave me the chance to be friends with you, because that is what he wanted. All he wants is for me to be happy. I'm really sorry that things have to be like this, but like I told you, I'm with Wes for me. I never wanted to hurt him, or you. Ever. I almost lost you and him both last night, NAME. I thought he was gone for good when he got that message from you. It was a very childish thing to do, and I'm glad you realize that. I know that I did the same thing, and I'm sorry. I truly am, but it looks as if you've realized she isn't the one for you after all.

I can't say that I forgive you for everything right now. It will take a lot of time, but I think I can find it in me to eventually forgive you. Wes said he would give me another chance... and for that chance I had to sacrifice you. I'm not supposed to talk to you. I don't want it to be forever NAME. I truly don't. But for now, until he can trust me again, I've got to do it. Know that if you ever need me, for something important, you know... I'll still be here. I know you'll find a way to get a hold of me. I understand if you're mad at me... but I hope you could do the same for me. Your number is no longer in my phone... but three years gives a person a long time to memorize a phone number.

It shouldn't really matter to you, but you should know that Wes and I did not have sex. He was pissed off and wanted you to shut your mouth so he told you we did. I would hope that I can trust you enough to not use that against him. I'm feeling very reluctant to tell you anything because you told Wes about you and I.

I'm very thankful that you've come to realize the things you've said to me in this letter. I never wanted things to end up this way. I don't want us to hate each other. You should know that I still believe in fate. If we were truly meant to be together, we will be together. That isn't a promise by any means... but its how I feel. For now I'm thankful that you want happiness for me. Know that I'm still thinking of you, and I hope you'll be doing the same. I didn't lie when I told you that there will always be a place in my heart for you.

Love always,
Melissa

HIM November 15 at 8:50pm Report

Dear Melissa Hurckman

Reading your letter has brought tears to my eyes like it did writing mine. I was not able to remember your number so i had to contact u by other means. I have not gottten rid of the things you gave me because when I tried all I could do was hold them close to my heart and remember all the good times that we had over the years. When I sat down today and thought about what I have done to you, the only person that I have truly let into my heart and will not let leave, i broke down and cried like a child who lost a parent. Loseing you has left me with a hole in my heart and I do not know how that hole can be fixed. I have told you many times before about how much I hate my self and today that internal hate has been brought to a new level realiseing that i have lost the only women that i love and would give my life to protect. It tore my heart out to see you stay with wes after i pleaded with you to stay with me, but it ripped me to peices to see u leave my life forever today. Understanding that you chose wes last nite does hurt me more than you know because i feel like you are the only one for me but if you chose him there is nothing that i can do about it and that is that. There is always going to be a place in my heart for you melissa, and that place is the whole heart nothing more and nothing less. I realise now why i have never been able to fall in love after you, it is because i will never be able to let you out of my heart. Where ever you go, there is my heart with you. I knew from the time I started to think about letting you back into my heart that i still loved you but i could not trust you with my heart, and that grudge agaist u for causing me so much pain before has put me into the position that i am in now and i will forever regret what i have done to the one women that has made me the most happy. I know that i am not worthy of your love so i will do my best to leave you alone with wes because you are better off with him than a scum bag like me.

sincerely

His first, middle, and last name

Melissa Hurckman November 15 at 8:59pm

Please HIM, keep me in your heart. If we are truly meant to be together, we'll find our way back. Know that I never meant for things to be this way.

HIM November 15 at 9:07pm Report

well i can tell you are trying to keep your word to wes so i will let you go because i know u want to be with him and not me even though we have been together for so long and i know you are trying something knew and you deserve that. plz dont forget me melissa i love you so much and i will never forget u. love you always, NAME

What wasn't said:

Its really too bad. We could have been great. I could forgive you... but unfortunately I have the password to you myspace account and happened to see you talking to your girlfriend. You know, Shane. Talking to her about how much you want to fuck here. At the SAME EXACT MOMENT you're writing this sappy apology to me. I want to trust that you're sorry... but I can't. Call me crazy, or a bitch for going on your account... I don't care. You go to those extremes when you want so badly to be proven wrong. I just wanted to be wrong about you and Shane... but unfortunately I was right. Right the whole time.

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What do you say to the other girl...

Hey. You know... I don't know you at all... and sorry for the random message, but I just feel there are some things you should know. I don't mean to cause any problems, and I don't want you to be mad and take things out on !@#$. I know messaging you puts the relationship, or lack thereof, that I have with !@#$ in jeopardy... and for me to loose !@#$ all together would be the end of my world, it seems.

This summer has been the best and worst summer of my life. Last semester when I started talking to !@#$ again I thought the summer was great. I was under the impression that things were going great. He at one time promised that if things were still going great we could get back together, officially, once he graduated. Graduation finally came around and we didn't really get back together. Sometime later we got together... but he wouldn't really tell anyone about us so I just kind of called it off.

All summer we were on and off. He told me he was frustrated with me. I get worried and stressed about him and I easily. He said that when I could relax and have a fun relationship we could be together. He didn't really realize that I was stressed and worried because of you. I knew about you all summer. I knew that he wanted to be in a relationship with you. What I didn't know all summer was that you two were actually together. How can a girl have fun and relax when she knows there is someone else...

August first could have been the highlight of my summer. Cory, !@#$'s brother... just in case you didn't know for some reason, bitched at !@#$ when I said something about him dating you. We all thought he was making the right choice by breaking up with you. His family doesn't approve of you at all. And trust me... they know about you. Him and !@#$'s mom are kind of close. He asked me out that afternoon... officially. I was so happy. I made the biggest mistake of my life by breaking up with !@#$ last year. Honestly, if I regret anything in my life, it was breaking up with him the first time. We had a great weekend. I heard you saw the pictures of us kissing. Sorry you had to find out that way. But I'm sure it could be worse. !@#$ told me he had sex with you right to my face.

Dating him isn't all its cracked up to be. I've known him for three years. He is no longer very good at lying to me. I knew he made up with you and you two started dating again the day after it happened. I didn't say anything about it to him until last Monday. I knew as soon as I said something to him about you it would be over for him and I, but I guess its a risk I had to take. People are right when they say I deserve better than him. But he is all I want. Even after all that happened this summer.

This one message can't even begin to describe the ups and downs of this summer. I hope I don't make you too upset. All I can do I suppose is encourage you to think things over or talk to me more before you say something to !@#$ if you choose to do so. !@#$ has treated us both unfairly. He asks me to keep my mouth shut when it comes to telling you what I know... but if I were you I would want to know, as much as it hurts. The reason I've waited so long has to do with the fact that !@#$ means the world to me... and for anything bad to happen to him as a result of this message would cause a lot of regret on my end. He isn't as honest with you as he should be partly because of the whole sex thing.

We don't really talk anymore. I really wish for him to be my friend, cause he is my best friend. I'm terrified that telling you all this will ruin what I have with him... but I would hope if he finds out about this message, he would forgive me over time. Please Please Please consider talking to me about all of this before you get pissed at !@#$. I hate to say bad things about !@#$... but he is good at lying his way out of things. I know you don't know me, and don't really have a reason to believe me... but honestly, I'm just sticking up for us girls.

You're gorgeous, and just like me, deserve much better, I'm sure. Please let me know if you want to know any more... or have questions... or just want to talk about anything. I may be !@#$'s ex, but that aside I'm a nice person... I promise. You can message me here, or you can c/t ######2937. -Melissa

This week has been nuts. I hope to jot it all down later this weekend. The passing of a band member... Caleb and I's breakup... Harry Potter and Taylor Swift... and that nasty Bio exam.

In the mean time... I ordered business cards for LoveMeSo :)

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Sometimes, we tend to be in despair when the person we care about the most leaves, but the truth is, it's not our loss, it's theirs, because they lost the person who could never give up on them and was willing to always be there no matter what...

So as of now I think I can make nearly every Taylor Swift song fit my life. I am going through hell and back... for a boy. I love him more than I thought possible. Things were going great... we were going to get back together when summer started, he said. Obviously things have changed since then. He suddenly wants to have space - I'm smothering him he says. He needs time... but can't tell me how much. I want to wait for him, because he is the only one I want to be with... but what happens when I wait for months on end, go through months of hell and hurt, and he changes his mind. He says he'll always come back to be with me... but how can that be when he says he loves me, but not the way I love him. I love him so much. How can that be when he said after we broke up he almost moved on completely. "And I know its never simple, never easy for a clean break." Part of me wishes that I would have left him alone and just moved on. Part of me wishes he wouldn't have let me fall in love with him again if he didn't feel the same about me. Then part of me realizes how much I would have lost if I would have lost him.

I don't know whats going to happen to me. I love him so much. I would do anything for us to be together again. I'm terrified to know that he could any day tell me that its over for good. I can't even think how life would be without him. He says we will still be best friends... cause to loose your best friend and your lover all in one go... I don't really want to think what would happen. How can we be best friends though. How could I stand to be around him and know that I'll never get the chance to be with him... he'll never love me back the same way. I can't decide what would hurt more. Being friends and knowing we can't be together, or loosing him completely.

I have to make it through today knowing we won't talk till tomorrow... but I guess I'll have to get over that. I don't want to talk to him, crying, making him feel bad. Sure this is kind of his fault... but I want him to have time to figure things out... maybe, hopefully, he'll realize I'm the one for him.

I'm doing everything I know how to not cry throughout the day. I'm so upset I can barely eat without being sick. Every day that passes breaks my heart a little more.

There is no reassurance to be given to me... Nobody really know whats going to come of this.

I just want this all to pass quickly... with me coming out on top, and him being happy with me...

I just hope, and pray.

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